“I am beginning to have no feelings for my daughters – nothing. This unimaginable emptiness is horrifying, and the guilt I feel is unbearable. I feel numb – a failure, weak, pathetic, useless, and no good to anyone. I ask myself, “How is it possible that I can look at my girls or at Neil and have no emotions, no feelings for them, nothing? What is wrong with me? Can someone please help me?”
Experiencing a time where there was no emotions, has helped me appreciate all emotions. We are human beings designed to feel. Perceived ‘negative’ emotions, are not to be feared, they are actually a gift. It is how we respond that determines a positive or negative outcome.
Recently I opened up about feelings of disappointment and sadness, I was deeply touched by the outpouring of love and support from my friends and family. When you have the courage to share so vulnerably it gives others permission to do so, and more importantly it allows for relationships to deepen. Not all will be comfortable with your display of vulnerability, and that’s okay.
Allowing yourself to feel, and experience all emotions is key to growth, and to healing. When you are in the depths of sadness – honour it, allow yourself to feel these emotions. When you are disappointed or frustrated – honour it, allow yourself to feel it. When you are angry – honour it, allow yourself to feel it. Give yourself permission to feel these emotions – they are not bad – be with them. Be grateful for the gift of feeling. In saying that, also be mindful that sitting in these emotions for too long is unhealthy. Ask for help, give yourself permission to let go and move on.
I am grateful for the gift of feeling and for the gifts that expressing these feelings brings. I am also grateful that I show my daughters that it is okay to feel and that it’s okay to express it.
All emotions are healthy – allow them, feel them and respond in healthy ways.