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May 13, 2014

Finding Release in Nature and a Special Friend

Angels appear when you least expect them too – angels of hope, love, compassion and wisdom. Oriah was my angel yesterday as I sat by a pond tears streaming down my face – releasing. As much as I am angry at Facebook and the changes they are making, I can’t dismiss the fact that it has brought some beautiful people into my life – Oriah Mountain Dreamer is one of them.

 

I had shared a post that I was leaving Facebook, and this is the beautiful private message she sent me:

Sorry you are leaving FB but hope you find the space to rejuvenate in the way you need. I just created a post for later this week and wanted you to see it because- as I mentioned in referencing the photo, I know you know about this. (And just to be clear I do not see you leaving FB as giving up,but giving over to what your soul needs.) Much love, Oriah

From the post:
We- like every living organism on this tiny spectacular planet- are built for life. Even our unskilful choices, the ones made from fear & pain- our additions & distractions & numbing- are efforts to be in life, to be here when we are hurting. What we can trust, is that on a soul-deep level we are aligned with Life- and if we listen deeply the soul will show us a way to stay fully here until we are gone. For our essence there is no giving up, but only a giving over to that which is larger than & yet deep within us. ~Oriah (Photo (above) by a woman who knows this well: Lee Horbachewski)

 

As I sat and reflected on her words tears streamed down my face as I responded:

Dearest Oriah

You always appear when I need to know someone is there – directly & indirectly. Thank you.

I was a guide at a retreat a couple of weekends ago and it has impacted me deeply. I took on the pain and crisis of too many people, including close friends. I also experienced rejection, out of 10 Wisdom Circles mine was the one people fell into as a last resort. On top of that my facebook messages are filled with people in crisis, suicidal and asking for financial handouts/ support.

Quite a few of my friends are going through their own crisis right now or are too wrapped up in their own lives to notice my patterns of withdrawal and the darkness I’ve been in.

I have found the only time I feel aligned, content and peaceful is in nature and with my family. I see the patterns – withdrawal, isolation – depression is trying its darnedest to appear.

After reading your comment I deleted the post about closing my page – your words struck a chord, am I so angry at facebook that I’m allowing it to cloud my judgement? There are a few people – including you – who have been a guiding light in my life, closing facebook would make that connection more difficult, here’s the yes, no, yes, no conflict appearing again.

I feel that my message is of no importance, that people don’t value the love I put into the images I capture, the posters I create. I’ll share a post from others on my page and it will be seen by thousands, and shared by many. Yet when I post one of mine it’s seen by much less. So my mind says “you’re not enough” even though my heart says I am.

I guess it all comes down to feeling hurt Рnot seen, not heard, not good enough. Self sabotaging thoughts that I worked hard to let go of last year. Last year worked for me Рand what worked was staying close to a few and letting go of the need for acknowledgement from others.

I am rambling here, I’m sorry. Thank you for listening though. I’m sitting by a beautiful pond, the sounds of crickets, a gentle breeze and I’m reflecting and releasing. My face is tear stained and I feel alone yet peaceful – three geese just flew right over my head and landed.

When there is inner conflict I know I must be still, be patient and quiet my mind. This is what I’ll do over this next little bit.

Thank you Oriah, your friendship means more to me than you’ll ever know.

Much love.

 

The last two evenings I have gone out into nature capturing the essence of what brings me so much peace. I can see so much of life reflecting back at me through nature. I set out to go to the spot I had found the night before – see Enjoy Each Moment blog post. It is here that I sat, conversing back and forth with Oriah.

 

 

Sharing my hurt and pain with Oriah helped me move forward. Instead of remaining stuck in the one position, I decided to press on and find some more magical scenery to be witness to and capture. I was blessed to see birds everywhere, magical landscapes, and beautiful reflections.

 

 

After calling Neil and asking him if he minded that I kept going, I continued on with the intention of going back to Grotto Pond, a favourite spot of mine. However tonight this wouldn’t be where I ended up. Spray Lakes kept calling my name, and that’s where I went.

 

I sat and took in the beautiful reflections, thinking to myself about the wisdom of what I see in others – I see in myself, much pondered in this spot.

 

 

It was time for me to head home, eyes open to any other magical moments of discovery that I may encounter. I turned off to head towards Grotto Pond, and then changed my mind heading back onto Highway 1. Then there was a dirt road, it almost jumped out at me. It was here that I was truly witness to some of the most spectacular beauty I’ve seen – an eagle perched upon a tree keeping watch, deer jumping a fence and then stopping to check me out, and birds paddling away in a water source surrounded by grazing cattle.

 

 

A sense of peace overcame me as I was witness to a firey sunset. I couldn’t help but think about the fire within me.

 

 

As the evening came to an end, Oriah’s final message to me sunk into my soul – words of compassionate, loving wisdom.

I know you know this- but what I want to add is this: when we put ourselves out there, the world comes rushing at us with need. There is so much need- and we cannot possibly meet it. The first time this happened for me, I almost drowned- wanted to hide- and did for awhile.

It’s overwhelming and it can turn you into an emotional ping pong ball- hard not to respond to all the warm wishes and support- and then when it evaporates we wonder what we did wrong, we start chasing the approval -and we all know where that goes- not to a happy place! We have to go back, regroup and find our sense of self in something other than others’ response to what we offer, over and over again.

So do whatever you need to bring yourself into balance, into your centre in your being and your life. If you want to do something else or even some of what you did do again, the world will still be here. That’s the thing- when I withdrew people involved in the “industry” (really, since when is this kind of spiritual and personal exploration an industry!?) told me “you know, you can’t come back- you have to strike while the iron is hot, take all the chance, push for opportunities. . . .” I was exhausted just listening to them. I said, “I’ll take my chances.”

The message you offer is needed- and the book is out there. This is the only prayer I offer about my books: if there is someone who might be helped by this, if their suffering may be alleviated by reading this, may it find its way into their hands. And I trust that it will. And if it is only 1 person or 10 or 100- that’s okay-more than okay- that is fantastic!

You know where I am. If there is anything I can do to help in this process, please be in touch. Much love to you- and I still thank FB for putting us in touch. Oriah